My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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