I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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