i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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