I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
