I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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