i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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