well you can't waste a boner
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
