You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize