My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
