I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
