barbara walters just said penis...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
