I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
