I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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