there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
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