can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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