Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
