dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
