He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
