I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just sucked dick on a ferry
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
