I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
