At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
