ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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