Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
