my mouth tastes like poor choices
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
