Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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