you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
