I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
