i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
worst night to have a conscience
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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