Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Randomize
