Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
