You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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