Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
