I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
