He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
