after a month anything with tits is on the radar
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
