I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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