Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
