haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
