i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize