all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
