im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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