farters have to be the big spoon...
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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