i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
