I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
