How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
