Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
