Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Randomize