With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
