What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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