If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
