i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
