I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
