I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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