I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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