shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
