Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
