a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
