Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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