Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
