I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
