Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
