I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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