my phone needs a breathalizer
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
