Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
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