Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
