When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
