Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
