My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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