I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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