If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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