i don't like sucking hair
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
