the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
